How to Make Friends When You Have None
Explore why friendships may feel out of reach and learn how you can confidently build a social circle that fits your life.
Many people often seek a friend to confide in and share experiences. After all, some of the most rewarding moments in life can be those spent with others. A lack of friends in a person’s life could come from various personal reasons and life circumstances. There may be other factors at play that make friendship challenging, such as cultural or social restrictions.
However, there are plenty of people who want to find friends despite not having any. For many, the thought “I have no friends” feels discouraging, but it is absolutely possible to find people to connect with, even if you struggle with social interactions. So, how can you make friends when you don’t have any? Let’s dive in by exploring why you might struggle with friendships and overcoming the “I feel like I have no friends” mindset.
Why it feels like you don’t have friends
In a world dominated by platforms enabling people to showcase their flourishing social lives, you may wonder why you don’t have any friends when everyone else seems to have so many. The reality is that a lack of friendship is more common than you might think.
Harvard has coined a term called the “friendship recession“, describing the number of adults saying they have no friends that has quadrupled since the 1990s. Many individuals who report not feeling connected to anyone may understand some of the reasons why they struggle to make friends, but many will not.
Here are a few of the leading reasons why a person might find making friends difficult:
- Fear of rejection among peers
- Not understanding where to find friends
- High expectations for friendships
- Suffering from social anxiety, shyness or isolation
- Lack of common interests with others
- Busy work schedules
- Struggles with communication
- Difficulties with compassion or empathy
Other factors also come into play, including cultural shifts that prioritize work and a significant increase in daily use of digital devices. These barriers can make finding and maintaining friendships more challenging, especially for those who struggle to initiate contact or establish a connection.
Do I need friends for a better life?
The reasons for the lack of friendships today are increasingly well-documented, as more people, young and old, share their feelings of loneliness more than ever before. Some would say they can have a fulfilling life without a friend circle, while others worry about the impact that a lack of social life can have on them.
Studies show that social isolation and loneliness can have an impact on both physical and mental health, increasing depression and anxiety, leading to a greater risk of heart issues and diabetes. The benefits of having friends can offer a pathway to a healthier lifestyle and a more positive view of the world.
Some of the pros of having friends include:
- Give a sense of purpose: Being there for someone and others being there for you can help give you a sense of purpose in the world. Having someone to confide in and trust enables you to feel like you belong and can help maintain morale during challenging life periods.
- Boost confidence: Having friends provides opportunities for positive interactions that can enhance self-esteem and confidence. Social success helps you feel better about yourself and strengthens your resolve in other areas of life, such as work.
- Build a support circle: Life can be a rollercoaster with emotional highs and lows. Friends create a support circle that can celebrate the good times with you and help you overcome the tougher moments.
- Increase happiness: Those with friends in their lives tend to have people who share optimism, memorable experiences and help replace negative habits with positive ones. Happiness comes from “psychological needs to belong and feel capable“, which quality friendships can provide.
- Reduce stress: We all experience stress in life, whether it’s from work or managing personal responsibilities. Friends can be the people who help you process stress healthily, allowing you to vent or bounce solutions to problems comfortably.
- Provide motivation: Having good social connections can help you understand yourself more and challenge you to be your best self. That motivation can provide all sorts of positivity that can translate into personal reward.
There can be many other, more focused advantages to having friends, such as opening up career opportunities or helping to fulfill personal ambitions. There’s plenty of positivity that can come from building social connections, even if it’s just one.
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How to make friends when you have none
We’ve outlined the benefits of having friends and how they can facilitate a more positive life. However, you may still wonder how to find people willing to be your friends, especially when you don’t have any.
Overcoming friendship obstacles can be challenging, but it is certainly achievable for everybody learning how to meet new people. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but there are general steps you can take to start your friend-seeking journey and yield some positive results.
These are some things to do when you have no friends:
Work on breaking down your barriers
The first and most significant step on your friend-making journey is to work on breaking down the barriers that you believe are the reasons why you struggle or don’t have many friends. We’ve mentioned common reasons why you might not have friends. You can use them to help find the root causes and take actions to address them.
For example, you may feel excessively anxious in social situations or may have a work schedule that keeps you at your desk for 16 hours a day. These are two common scenarios one could work on to improve through self-improvement processes.
Some of the ways a person without friends may break down their barriers include:
- Engage in a short conversation with strangers to practice speaking skills
- Practice breathing and relaxation techniques to help overcome social anxiety
- Speak with your boss about managing work hours more effectively
- Place yourself in comfortable environments when engaging with people
- Seek professional support to help get over social hurdles
- Make time to work on yourself and create plans for social activities
Of course, not every barrier to friendship is the same for everyone, as a person could have a particularly unique set of circumstances. However, you can take time to identify what’s holding you back and map out how to take action.
There are more detailed guides explaining barriers to friendship and how to take action to assist.
Engage in hobbies that have communities
Not everyone has hobbies, but if you seek to make new friends when you have none, starting one is an excellent way to meet people. There’s always some activity that can trigger interest; even mapping out your personal journey to making friends can be a hobby!
However, consider something you already do regularly or could see yourself doing in the future. Today’s society often has active communities for even some of the most niche hobbies, where you can meet participants with shared interests.
Here are some examples of hobby communities where you could make friends:
- Physical activity groups, such as run clubs or neighborhood hikes
- Gaming groups for massively multiplayer online (MMO) or competitive team matches
- Arts and crafts meetups, such as cosplay events or do-it-yourself (DIY) classes
- Fandom events to discuss and engage in your favorite film, TV or media
- Knowledge-based events such as open bar trivia, academic discussions or seminars
- Online forums of niche interests, such as collaborative writing or travel
In today’s online world, even the most niche interests often have sizable, active communities where anyone can get involved and lay the foundations for lasting friendships. There are plenty of platforms to help you search for a hobby community that suits you.
Do some volunteer work
Most non-profit organizations are always looking for volunteers, with a plentiful supply of work available. For those navigating how to meet people in a new city, signing up as a volunteer and actively attending events can instantly help you meet people who are grateful you are there to help.
Volunteer work opens channels of communication and can help you meet people of various backgrounds and personalities. It’s a great way to help build potential friendships when you’re unsure how to start.
Join local clubs or activities
Whether you’re learning how to make friends in school or seeking connections as an adult, getting involved in clubs or activities at the local level is another way to find common ground. You and other attendees already share two significant characteristics: you are both interested in the topic or activity and live in the same area.
If you live in an urban area, there are likely a large number of clubs and activities to choose from, ranging from the academic to the physical. Even rural locations often have some local community clubs and activities.
Local clubs and activities to meet friends could include:
- Book clubs and coffee meetups
- Local pet gatherings, such as neighborhood dog walks
- Community improvement programs
- Yoga or wellness clubs
- Arts, crafts and cooking classes
- Local history and science discussions
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Explore communities built around your favorite activities using Nerd Culture’s group search feature. We’ve made it easy to meet real friends who understand you.
Join a sports team or gym class
We’ve touched on how engaging in physical hobbies, such as walking and running, can help make friends in the community. However, sports teams and gym classes can help spark even more social interactions due to the need for direct contact between people.
If you enjoy sports and exercise but struggle to make conversation, joining a team or class is a great way to get you speaking. Teams and classes often require collaboration and communication, where your achievements and growing reputation can help you find friends that you can make outside of the venue.
Attend a spiritual gathering
One of the most powerful bonds between people is shared spiritual beliefs, often serving as the basis for strong relationships. If you are a person of faith or belief who does not attend gatherings, finding a service location could be one of the most rewarding things to do when single and have no friends.
Often, social activities stem from spiritual gatherings, such as community events and activities. Attending services can help you find groups that share your beliefs, creating common ground to build friendships and discover mutual interests even outside of the faith.
Try to socialize with coworkers
Socializing at work is often perceived as challenging, as many coworkers may feel their personal and professional lives should be separate. However, there are working environments that can facilitate friendships through shared experiences.
Try to strike up short, casual conversations with coworkers by commenting on amusing things that happen on the job or other work-related events. Sometimes, you’ll discover more about them and find some common ground.
Some companies will even offer social activities, such as team-building exercises or hospitality visits outside the office. If they are open to everyone, attending these can help you get to know people and start a friendship.
Leverage social platforms
Finally, social media and online platforms have been a significant facilitator of friendships over the last two decades. Websites, forums and communication software have helped many people searching for friendship, find people with similar interests, and build lasting connections through these digital mediums.
If you’re wondering how to meet people as an introvert, online channels are particularly advantageous. They allow you to engage at your own pace, craft thoughtful responses, and connect through shared interests rather than forced small talk or geographical proximity.
Social platforms help those with significantly high friendship barriers find people faster. However, many of these connections often remain online, which may not be suitable for someone looking for a physical friendship.
But it is common to see friendships that start online flourish into physical ones. For example, people in MMO gaming guilds often host annual meetups or those engaged in fandoms regularly meet at conventions.
There’s plenty of possibility to make friends you never thought existed with technology. You only need to search for a platform that hosts your interests.
Where can I meet new friends?
We’ve covered the hows in parallel to everyday struggles of making friends. But what about the where? There are plenty of places where you can meet new people or build friendships by applying the methods mentioned above. In fact, the sheer amount of choice can be overwhelming, considering that digital spaces are also available for social interactions.
However, we can narrow down some of the best places to help meet new friends.
- Community spaces: Publicly accessible areas can be some of the best places to meet people, as others who visit are often wishing to meet someone new. Places like community centers, bars and spiritual institutions promote social interaction through activities or shared interests.
- Online platforms: Websites, forums and apps have fast become a dominant place for people to find friends. They widen the friendship search to a global scale, where people looking for friends can likely find someone who shares their interests and engages in similar hobbies or activities.
- Outdoors: Simply venturing outdoors can sometimes be a great place to meet new friends. Going for a walk can result in some unexpected positive interactions, especially if you have a daily route that allows you to see familiar faces regularly.
- Entertainment venues: Concert halls, theaters and sports venues have proven to be places to find new friends based on passions and interests. You’ll find people who share your love of a favorite band or sports team, where those shared, exciting experiences can lead to friendly interactions.
- Networking events: Many venues host open networking events that cater to both career and personal interests. Events such as seminars, industry meetups and fan conventions often provide a foundation for building friendships.
- Clubs and classes: You may see clubs and classes advertised in your area to offer activities to those with similar interests or a desire to learn. Places like book clubs, cooking classes and other activities can also be fantastic places to meet new people and build relationships.
Like the methods to make new friends, there are no set places to meet people. There may be many other venues or locations in your area that offer opportunities for social interaction or encourage people to connect. However, the above can make excellent places to start and curate lasting friendships.
How do I keep friends? 5 tips for maintaining friendships
Taking that first step and making an effort to make a new friend is a fantastic achievement, especially when you have no friends or have struggled to interact in the past. No matter if it doesn’t flourish the first time, being consistent in meeting new people will introduce you to potential friends.
Once you’ve broken the meeting barrier, you may wonder how you can build and strengthen your friendship. Maintaining friendships requires effort, but it can be a truly enriching experience.
Here are a few tips to manage and maintain friendships.
1. Keep an open mind
While many friendships begin on mutual interests and shared hobbies, not every belief or activity your new friend engages in will be the same. Many people expect friends to be a carbon copy of themselves, but they can be different in many ways.
Maintaining a quality friendship means keeping an open mind towards thoughts and actions that may differ from your own. Talking to them about it and asking questions also provides numerous learning opportunities that can improve your social skills. Having an open mind can boost and build a friendship, where the other person is likely to reciprocate enthusiasm for anything different about you.
2. Be a great listener
Having a new friend means you can share things with another person and tell them all about you. While they’re most likely happy to listen to anything you want to say, it’s important to hear what they want to communicate, too.
Keeping your ears open to their thoughts, opinions and stories without interruption makes your friends feel valued and pleased that someone is there to listen to them. The art of being a great listener is often understated, allowing you to be a great friend to someone who will likely return the favor.
3. Be your most genuine self
Those making friends without having any before might stray away from being themselves to try to impress or fit in with other social circles. Understandably, you want to make new friends when you don’t have any, but not being yourself will make it hard to maintain a genuine friendship.
Being yourself is highlighted as one of the driving forces behind successful relationships, where the same principles apply to building friendships. Where the other party embraces who you are, including your values, experiences and even flaws, it’s easier to make friendships that will last, as opposed to discovering that you were not genuine later.
When introducing yourself and building friendships, being your most genuine self is the most rewarding way forward. Not everyone may embrace your traits, but there are plenty of people who will.
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4. Ensure you make time for your friends
If you’re keen on maintaining a friendship, making time to meet up and spend time together is an integral part of making it work. Regular hangouts, activities or chats can foster a more profound friendship, strengthening mutual interests and creating shared experiences between you and the other person.
However, it’s important to remember that you may sometimes need to take charge of maintaining friendships to help them continue to flourish. That involves you inviting them to meet regularly and also accepting invitations from others to ensure you have consistent opportunities to build your friendship.
Make plans frequently and stick to them to help maintain your friendships. You may not be able to attend every suggested meetup, but try to get together regularly.
5. Stay in touch with your peers
Following on from the tip of scheduling time for your friends, it’s just as necessary to make an effort to stay in touch. We’ve all heard the saying, “life gets in the way”, but as accurate as that notion is, it shouldn’t be a reason to lose friends.
We have many different devices and channels to communicate with people today, allowing them to communicate instantly, even if the other person is on the other side of the planet. If you haven’t heard from someone in a while, sending a simple message to check in can do wonders in keeping the friendship flame alive.
What to do when you have no friends: starting your search
Even for those who are extroverted, making friends isn’t the most straightforward task. It requires effort in communication and social skills to find common interests and lay the foundations for a friendship.
If you don’t have any friends, making new ones can be particularly challenging. However, if you’ve read this guide, you’ve already demonstrated a desire to connect with people, which means you’re already on the first step of your journey.
The start of your search may be overwhelming, with numerous factors to consider. However, if you’re looking to connect with people based on your interests and hobbies, Nerd Culture is a community platform with groups that can help you meet new friends.
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