No Friends? What It Means and How to Fix It
Learn the real reasons behind modern loneliness and get clear strategies to help you meet people, make connections, and build friendships that last.
“I have no friends” can be a heavy realization. It’s a lonely feeling as it seems that everyone else has a thriving social life. But that’s not the case. Having no friends is a common experience across age groups. Millions of people go through periods of having no friends. And research shows that the trend is on the rise.
We’ve become a lonelier society in recent years:
- Gen Z is the loneliest generation.
- The number of close friends Americans have has been declining since 1990.
- 42% of Americans aren’t as close to their friends as they would like.
The good news is that having no friends doesn’t need to be permanent. You can make friends at any age. Many people quietly ask themselves how to make friends when they have none, and the answer starts with understanding that nothing is wrong with you
Why having no friends is nothing to feel ashamed about
Figuring out how to make friends in school is easier when you’re constantly surrounded by peers going through similar experiences. Spending 35+ hours a week in large crowds invites friendships to happen on autopilot. But finishing education shrinks our social circle and some struggle to keep friends while making new ones.
It leaves people with no friends feeling ashamed, inviting limiting beliefs and self-doubt. But feeling bad about not having friends isn’t helpful. It’s a common human experience. Millions of adults go through it, possibly more than once in their lives. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re left thinking, “Why do I have no friends?” You are not alone. And you can absolutely make friends at any stage of life.
18 common reasons why people have no friends
- Hectic work schedules: Our careers can demand lots of time, leaving little left to see friends and do the things we’d like to do.
- Family commitments: Raising children is a huge commitment that changes people’s lives in many ways. It doesn’t leave much time to see friends, especially during the first few years.
- Introversion: Introverts are often misunderstood. Some believe introverts want to be left alone, but that’s not the case. They can enjoy social activities just as much as extroverts; introverts just need time alone to recharge. Wanting some alone time and the tendency to be more reserved make it harder for introverts to make friends.
- Tech and social media: Smartphones accelerated the popularity of social media, which isn’t good for making deep connections. Maintaining close friendships requires face-to-face contact. And the average American isn’t getting enough, as they spend 7 hours a day looking at screens.
- Remote work: Working from home may aid concentration but it’s bad for your social life. Remote workers have fewer social interactions, plus a recent study from Resume Builder said that 1 in 4 remote workers noticed a decline in social skills.
- Breakups: Those who have been through a breakup know how crushing they can be. Couples spend years building a life together and their lives become entwined – including their friends. Sometimes, one person gets excluded from the friend group when the relationship ends.
- Clash of interests: Shared passions are a great way to make and maintain friendships but people’s interests can change. So, friendships can fade when friends realise that they no longer have anything in common.
- Being childless: People with children spend more time with their families and often spend time with other friends who have families, too. Those without children can feel alienated from friendships they’ve held for years, as friends’ lifestyles change.
- Health conditions and injuries: Unfortunate circumstances can limit or stop people’s ability to do the things that they used to do with friends.
- Mental health: It’s common for people with mental health issues to avoid social activities when they’re struggling. Friendships can be tricky to maintain. Some friends might get the wrong impression and assume they don’t enjoy their company but that’s not the case.
- Retirement: Work is a great place to make friends. It happens naturally as you spend lots of time together. But having no friends after retirement is common, as lots of people never had to learn the skill of making friends outside of work.
- Moving cities: Even the most extroverted can find themselves with no friends after moving. Having a small group of friends can grow quickly. It’s just that understanding how to meet people in a new city can take some time.
- Neurodiversity. Studies show that neurodiverse individuals tend to prefer friendships with others who share their neurotype. The problem is that it can be a long road to discover your neurotype, making it hard for neurodiverse individuals to make friends.
- Finances: It’s tough when friends suggest fun things you’d love to do but you can’t afford them. It can strain friendships over time as you feel like you are being excluded from the group.
- Bereavement: The emotional impact of losing a close friend is devastating. Not only does it come with a period of mourning, but you can feel alone with nobody to talk to as they were your only true friend.
- Trust issues: It’s deeply upsetting when a friendship ends due to betrayal. Those who have experienced it may struggle to be open with others in future. Being cautious is healthy but being overly cautious makes it hard to make friends. Connection requires openness.
- Waiting for invitations: Groups of friends are often held together by an unsung hero – the organizers. They are the ones who plan fun things for everyone to do. We all love the organizers but if they go radio silent – your social life can dry up.
- Social skills: Making friends comes more easily to some than others. For those who struggle to make new friends, their social skills may need some work. Starting conversations, reading social cues, and listening are all skills that can be learned.
Your Hub to Meet and Make Lasting Friends
What to remember when you have no friends
You are not alone
Having no friends is incredibly common. There are multiple reasons for it and there’s nothing to feel ashamed about. The good news is that you can make new friends at any age. And it might not take as long as you think.
Not all friendships last a lifetime and that’s ok
We put pressure on ourselves to maintain amazing friendships for life. But in reality, friendships aren’t as rigid as that. Friendships come and go. And that’s not a bad thing.
Friendships are fluid:
- Some friendships last a lifetime.
- Some friendships last months/years.
- Some friends you see every week, and others every few months.
- And you can always reconnect with old friends.
It’s all ok. Being tied to the idea that all friendships must last a lifetime might be holding you back.
Making friends is a skill
Saying to yourself “I have no friends” and being ok with it for now is the first step to making some friends. It’s common to get down on yourself. But ignore the unhelpful thoughts such as “I have no friends and no one to talk to and that won’t ever change” if they bubble up. That’s just a limiting self-belief and nothing more.
You may feel that only extroverts can make friends easily, but that’s not the case. While extroverts may find it easier, learning how to make friends as an introvert is a skill that can be learned too.
Making friends is exciting and it will benefit your life
Friendships enrich our lives in many ways. Not only do friends make your life more exciting and meaningful – they also benefit your health. So, it’s natural to feel down when you have no friends. The good news is that you can absolutely make some friends soon, and your life will feel much richer.
Be patient
It could take a few weeks or months to make friends. While it might be lonely right now, you can use this time to think about what kinds of friends you want, and where you could meet them. For example, attend group classes at your gym, sign up for events, and look to join online fitness communities if you love sports and exercise. Keep attending and you’ll become a familiar face. You will find yourself making friends as the weeks go on. It’s natural to feel a bit shy and awkward the first time you try something new. It tends to get better the more you go.
Where to make new friends
When thinking about how to make new friends, one of the most effective and comfortable way to make friends naturally is doing activities together.
Popular ways to make friends:
- Attend events: Events are a great way to meet people you’re likely to get along with as you have a shared interest. This is a particularly good way to make friends as most of them are hosted and they often kick off with introductions. You can always start your own event on Nerd Culture, too.
- Work at a co-working spaces: There’s been a sharp rise in co-working spaces due to the growth of remote workers. Co-working spaces are fantastic places to make friends. There are always events happening and there are plenty of chances to chat while you take advantage of the coffee machine.
- Join clubs: Having a weekly commitment in the diary that you enjoy is a great way to make friends. There are clubs for sports, fitness, books, arts, dance, etc., and you can always start your own club if you can’t find one that you’d enjoy.
- Join online communities: It’s hard to make friends when you have niche interests that nobody around you seems to enjoy. But that’s not a problem on the internet! Nerd Culture connects people from all over the world to make friends and enjoy their hobbies together.
- Volunteer: Enjoying the buzz of doing something good for the world is the perfect environment to make friends. Volunteering tends to be free, too, which is a great way to stay social when money is tight.
- Take language classes: The best way to learn a language is to practice speaking with a native speaker. Lots of people become friends after spending many hours learning each other’s language.
- Join a travel group: If you have no friends but don’t want to travel alone, you don’t need to. Group travel companies offer incredible group adventures, or find travel buddies using Nerd Culture.
Groups for What You Love
Whatever your interests are, Nerd Culture helps you find local or online groups that work with your schedule and make staying connected feel easier.
Tips for making friends
Sometimes people will say hello to you. And within minutes, you’ve made a new friend! It’s lovely when that happens, but you’re missing out if you don’t have the skill to make new friends yourself.
How to make friends:
- Put yourself out there: Making friends requires you to get out into the world, both offline and online.
- Keep it simple: Zooming out, making friends basically looks like this: introductions, chatting maybe once or a few times, making plans to do something, and if that’s fun you become friends. Remember, every time you leave your house there are opportunities to chat to people.
- Make small talk: It can feel daunting to speak to people when you’re introverted without any friends. But, it makes perfect sense as you’re out of the habit. A simple way to loosen up and speak to more people is to make small talk. Whenever you buy a coffee or groceries, make small talk. Simple things like smiling at a stranger, saying “Good morning,” and making small talk will help you feel more confident in social settings.
- Remember, friendship is a two-way street: Meeting new people is a mix of talking and listening. You may find that you do one too much at first. It might take a few interactions to get in the flow of enjoying conversations with strangers.
- Don’t wait to be asked: You might be too shy to ask someone if they want to meet up, but they might be shy to ask you, too! So if you’re having a great chat with someone that you have a lot in common with, ask if they want to meet up sometime. If they sound keen, ask for their phone number or social media handle.
- Never take rejection personally: Some people will be keen to meet up and others won’t. Don’t sweat it. Rejection is part of being human. Major actors get rejected for roles. Elite athletes get dropped from the team. And the most charming people often get rejected when they ask someone out on a date. Never take it to heart. We never know what others are going through, so it’s best not to overanalyze rejections.
- Keep showing up: It’s normal to feel a bit awkward the first time you try something. You might not enjoy it at first but you’ll naturally feel more at ease with consistency. Give yourself time to settle in and make new friends.
Find People You Click With
Making friends can feel hard, but Nerd Culture makes it easier by helping you meet people who share your interests based on your preferences.
How to maintain friendships
Maintaining friendships is a skill, just like making friends. It’s easier to maintain friendships when you work together or attend the same events each week. If that’s not the case, it takes a tiny bit of effort to keep friendships healthy.
- Schedule time each week: Work and personal commitments have a knack of taking over our schedules. To combat this, schedule time for your social life. Take a few minutes at the end of a week to look for fun things to do next week, and ask friends if they want to join. Even if plans don’t materialize, friends will appreciate the effort.
- Invite people to things you’re doing: You don’t need to wait for something spectacular to invite friends to. The ordinary things in life are perfectly good too. If you’re heading out to get coffee, going for a run, or playing a new game – ask a friend if they want to join you.
- Create chat groups: iMessage groups, WhatsApp groups, Discord groups, etc. are fun and low-effort ways to keep your friendships active. It’s easy to make plans and check in with friends.
- Remember personal details: Try to remember what friends have told you so you can ask them about it the next time you see them. They’ll appreciate that you remembered.
- Reach out: If friends are acting out of character or have gone quiet, check in with them. A simple text asking if they’re ok will be appreciated.
Feeling like you have no friends is incredibly common
“I have no friends” is a common realization for millions of adults. Juggling all areas of our lives isn’t easy and it’s normal to find yourself with no friends. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be permanent. You can make friends at any age, whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert.
Having friends makes life more enriching and exciting as they expand your world, as you expand theirs. Plus, having friends is hugely beneficial to your health.
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