How to Make Friends as an Introvert
A step-by-step guide to on how to make friends as an introvert, without the overwhelming social pressure.
We all know how important it is to find, build and maintain great friendship groups, but doing so is much easier said than done. Even the most outgoing people can get weighed down by school, work and private responsibilities, so how do introverts make friends in today’s world? Loneliness is a growing problem for a large part of modern society, with studies showing that 60% of Americans feel lonely on a regular basis and as many as 8% have no close friends at all. For those who find social activities draining, figuring out how to make new friends can seem almost impossible.
Where should you go? What should you do? Even if you find people who want to make new friends, what kinds of things should you say to build meaningful relationships? If you get too bogged down here, learning how to meet new people as an introvert can feel overwhelming. Thankfully, there are tried-and-true ways to learn how to make friends as an introvert, it just takes looking at the art of building relationships through a particular lens. So, for those of us who want to widen our friendship groups, here’s how to make lasting friends as an introvert.
Meet People Who Get You
What does it mean to be an introvert?
Before we talk about how to make friends as an introvert, it makes sense to define what it really means to be introverted in the first place. Interestingly, there isn’t actually a universally accepted definition for introversion, with experts from different fields having unique opinions.
Colloquially, people tend to think of introverts as people who prefer to spend time alone, with the opposite type of personality being extroverts who prefer being around other people. This definition of introversion vs extroversion is often explained using the social battery metaphor.
The idea is that we all have a social battery that needs to be charged every once in a while:
- Introverts recharge their social batteries by spending time alone.
- Extroverts recharge their social batteries by spending time with other people.
The key thing to remember in terms of learning how introverts make friends is that, contrary to some people’s beliefs, it’s not that introverts don’t like being around people at all, just that they can feel mentally drained by social interaction and need regular time alone to recharge.
Introversion vs social anxiety
Another common point-of-confusion for extroverts wondering ‘how does an introvert make friends?’ is the relationship between introversion and social anxiety. To an extrovert, it might track that people who value time alone feel anxious around others, but this isn’t always true.
While there is a relationship between introversion and social anxiety, with one 2023 study claiming “introverted personality types have a higher level of social anxiety compared to extroverted personality types”, not all introverts face struggles with feelings of social anxiety.
This is an important distinction to make when learning how introverts make friends, as often introverts do like being around other people, they just benefit from regular time spent alone.
The unique challenges of making friends as an introvert
The particular way that introverted people experience the world can introduce challenges in terms of making friends. Learning how to be friendly as an introvert requires some balance between pushing yourself to be social and making sure you’re doing so for the right reasons.
Introverts sometimes feel pressured to socialize more than they’d like, leading to friendships that don’t truly meet the needs of both parties. The first step to learning how to make friends as an introvert is to define your unique needs and the level of social activity you really enjoy. Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own company, and you can’t really be a good friend if you’re only hanging out with people because you feel you should. On the other hand, it’s easy to fall hard into comfort zones that prevent you from crafting great friendships.
Before actively making friends as an introvert, ask yourself the following questions:
- When do I feel most lonely? There are many times when introverts are alone and happy. Identifying common times when loneliness sets in can help you find types of activities and friends that meet your social needs without impacting positive routines.
- What are my main passions? Note down which hobbies and special interests you enjoy talking about the most. A social barrier introverts often face is a dislike of small talk; building friendships around shared interests helps drive engaging conversations.
- Where are my personal boundaries? Introverts are often people-pleasers, which can mean agreeing to plans no matter what. Before making friends as an introvert, set personal boundaries about how often you’d like to see people (and stick to them).
How to make friends as an introvert: 10 top tips and strategies
Great! Now we know what it means to be an introvert and have a good understanding of the types of relationships introverts benefit from, we can begin to explore some practical ways to build lasting connections. How can an introvert make friends? Start with these 10 strategies.
1. Strengthen the connections you already have
It’s likely some of the anxieties you feel towards making friends as an introvert stem from the idea that you’ll need to put yourself in new social situations. It might not even be that you’re anxious about it, you may just feel preemptively worn out by the thought of all that small talk!
Thankfully, learning how to make friends as an introvert doesn’t always mean becoming a social butterfly, sometimes it’s more about a change of perspective. Consider all the passing relationships you already have through school, work or family, some may make great friends. For students specifically, check out our detailed guide on how to make friends in college for campus-specific strategies.
Take note of the people you speak to during a typical week or month, try to mention a few of your interests and ask some questions about theirs. If you end up enjoying one or two chats, slip in a casual request to meet up for a coffee or do an activity together; step one, complete.
2. Become comfortable with making the first move
While making friends as an introvert can mean putting yourself in vulnerable positions, most of the time, the worst that will happen is a polite rejection. Of course, nobody wants to face even a polite ‘no thanks’, but it is part of life, and the more you experience it the less it’ll hurt. It can also help to consider that most people wait for someone else to initiate conversations and friendships, even extroverts! Taking small steps to start conversations about day-to-day things like the weather or local events can help you master how to be friendly as an introvert.
What’s more, becoming a great initiator will give you more freedom over the types of friends you make. Say you’re into trading card games, if you’re comfortable starting chats, you can challenge players at a game store to a battle, or find new players on a site like Nerd Culture.
Connect with People Who Get You and Your Interests
Nerd Culture turns the challenge of making friends into an easy, interest-driven process.
3. Explore activity-focused hobbies and interests
Whether you’re wondering how to make friends in your 20s as an introvert, or you’re an older or younger person looking to widen your network, one of the best ways to meet new people and sidestep the dreaded small talk is to build friend-finding missions around active hobbies. By engaging in activities with structured rules, established lore and interactive elements, you ensure everyone has something to focus on and talk about. Sports aren’t the only hobbies that fit the bill; movies, books, video games, boardgames and card games work just as well!
Say you’re into D&D, through a social platform like Nerd Culture, you can find Dungeons and Dragons groups and other newcomers interested in playing near you. The same goes for hobbies and clubs of almost all varieties, from TCG groups to book clubs and sports teams.
4. Visit themed cafes and bars in your local area
One piece of advice that will almost always come up when learning how to make friends as an introvert is to simply put yourself out there by visiting local hang out spots. While things may have changed a bit in recent years, this is still good advice, at least with a few caveats.
Introverts are generally not as comfortable in new social environments as their extroverted counterparts, so choosing the right spaces to frequent is important. One way to improve your chances of meeting new friends with shared interests is to seek out themed cafes and bars. This approach works especially well if you’re making friends in a new city, where exploring local hotspots can help you discover your new community.
The more specific the theme the better, but anywhere that’s committed to a hobby or interest you enjoy will work. If you’re nervous, start by visiting alone with a book or something else to focus on and scope out the place, at worst, you can practice small talk with the counter staff.
5. Encourage people to open up about themselves
Following the above pieces of advice on making friends as an introvert should place you in a few positions where conversations with new people start naturally. However, some introverts might see this as a double-edged sword; feeling a bit anxious about sharing personal details. The good news is that chatting with receptive strangers is often as easy as asking a few key questions. Many people, particularly those with more extroverted personalities, enjoy talking about their own life experience and sharing personal insights, so use this to your advantage!
Open, friendly questions like “what’s your dream job?”, “if you could live anywhere, where would it be?” and “what’s your favorite useless fact” are all brilliant conversation movers. If you’re at a themed bar or special event, questions about shared interests work even better.
6. Learn how to gauge levels of interest
Sometimes, more introverted people struggle to read subtle social cues or focus so much on body language that they convince themselves people aren’t interested in them. With this in mind, how can introverts make friends if they’re often distracted by feelings of social anxiety?
Thankfully, there are ways to reliably gauge a person’s level of interest in what you have to say without derailing your conversation. Primarily, people who are genuinely interested in a conversation (and not just being polite) will do a few things to keep the chat moving forward. Clear tells include unprompted personal questions like “what do you do for work?” or “what’s your favorite X?”, as well as efforts to move chats past initial small talk. Other things to look for include consistent eye contact and whether people are easily-distracted by their phones.
7. Think about how new friendships make you feel
So far, most of our tips have been focused on how to meet people as an introvert and drive engaging conversations, but it’s also important to consider how you feel about potential new friends. You may meet people who like being around you, but don’t necessarily interest you.
Many introverts are people-pleasers, this can be a great trait, provided you don’t fall into the trap of making friends with people who don’t truly meet your needs. It might be polite in the moment to maintain connections, but in the long run, it’ll only lead to mutually hurt feelings.
Take some time to really think about how new friendships make you feel; do you feel drained after spending time with someone? Do you feel you can truly be yourself around them? At the end of the day, the aim is to find friends who make you feel happy, valued and respected.
8. Try to turn meetups into regular routines
In some respects, meeting new people and starting conversations are the easiest steps on your journey to making friends as an introvert, the hard part is maintaining connections. With so many personal responsibilities to keep on top of, it can be difficult to find time to hang out.
The best way to overcome this challenge is to plan ahead, to book regular activities that you and your new friends enjoy and can make time for. Depending on your shared interests, this could be sports, film screenings or game nights, just pick something you’ll all look forward to.
Modern technology can really help with this step, with phones and social media apps making it super easy to plan activities between meetups. Nerd Culture is ideal for this, with features built to help you form hobby-centric groups where you and your friends can schedule events.
Find Your People, Fast
Say goodbye to inactive chats and disappointing cancellations. Finds groups tailored to your passions, whether you’re into cosplay, D&D, or weekly game sessions.
9. Use technology to find and maintain friendships
While social media and digital communication apps do have their downsides, particularly in terms of hyper-focused algorithms drawing people away from real-life connections, using the right apps in moderation can help introverts extend their potential social reach significantly.
When thinking about how to make friends online as an introvert, it’s wise to focus on social platforms designed to foster connections. You can find hobby groups on apps like Discord or Facebook, or use Nerd Culture’s smart search features to truly connect with local hobbyists.
Social apps are also great for maintaining new friendships you’ve made online or in the real world. With school, work and family commitments often making it hard to link up with friends consistently, online groups that support real-time messaging can be a vital friendship lifeline.
10. Celebrate every win and keep looking forward
While to some people it might seem easy, remember, it’s ok to feel that learning how to make friends as an introvert is hard. Putting yourself out there, overcoming anxieties and changing the way you approach friendships can be exhausting, so be kind to yourself on your journey.
Like with many things, practice makes perfect. Awkwardness and anxieties will fade in time so long as you keep at it, just try to approach new situations with an open mind and commit to making new friends feel as happy, valued and heard as you’d like them to make you feel.
In your alone time, think back on all the progress you’ve made and allow yourself space to celebrate your growth. It could be that you visited a new cafe and had a quick chat with the staff or booked your first game night, if you know it took bravery, allow yourself to celebrate.
Making Friends as an Introvert: Putting It All Together
Learning how to make friends as an introvert can be tough, with the exhaustion of socializing and the need for some alone time to recharge making it hard to build connections. But while extroverts may find some things easier, making friends as an introvert is far from impossible.
By taking the time to set boundaries, considering what types of friendships work best for you and focusing on forming relationships around special interests, you can approach the task at hand with a healthy mindset and a great idea of what meaningful friendships look like to you.
As you’re learning how to meet people as an introvert, consider how modern technology can be a big help. Social community platforms like Nerd Culture built to support real connections around shared interests make finding and maintaining friendships as an introvert rewarding and fun!