How to make friends as an adult, a kid or anyone in between

Get the best practical tips and real-world strategies for meeting new people and friends at any age

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It seems like such a simple concept, but it turns out learning how to make friends as an adult, a kid or indeed a person of any age can actually be much more difficult than you’d think. No matter what stage of life you find yourself in, figuring out how to meet friends, even in passing, can feel incredibly overwhelming. Sure, in some stages of life you have more opportunities to meet people with shared interests or a similar social life, but meaningful friendships can much be harder to come by.

Then we come to adult friendships, and all the added complications of balancing your work, family and personal responsibilities; learning how to make new friends as an adult can be a whole new type of ordeal. Thankfully, there are tried-and-tested ways for people of all different ages to get out into the world and find like-minded people with common interests, it just might require stepping outside your comfort zone. With the right mindset and approach, anyone can build meaningful connections and lasting friendships. For those ready to give it a shot, here’s how to make friends as an adult, a kid or anyone in between.

Why is it so hard to make new friends?

At face value, learning how to become friends with someone seems easy enough. Surely, all it takes is finding local groups or online events aimed at people who like the same things as you, striking up a few conversations and taking the time to truly listen to and connect with new people on a personal level, right?

If only it were that simple.

There are plenty of factors that make figuring out how to meet new people tricky for large chunks of our modern society, ranging from ballooning job responsibilities to worsening global mental health rates.

According to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey, here’s what friendship looks like in modern America:

• 61% of American adults say friendships are essential to living a fulfilling life.
• Only 38% of American adults say they have 5 or more close friends.
• Only 34% of American adults aged 30-49 have 5 or more close friends.
• Only 32% of American adults younger than 30 have 5 or more close friends.
• Almost 10% of American adults have no close friends at all.

If lifelong friends and support networks are so important (they are!), then why do so many people find it so hard to build and maintain strong friendships? – Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult or a kid?

Time constraints and responsibilities

We all live in a very transitional world, with new opportunities and challenges seeming to pop up around every corner. 30% of the total workforce changes jobs every 12 months (that’s 50 million people!), 13% of people move house in an average year and 62% of students move to college straight after graduation.

That’s an awful lot of change! Whether you’ve recently moved to a new city (and are wondering how to find friends in a new city), started a new job or maybe even become a parent for the first time, with change comes new time constraints and responsibilities. The physical and mental efforts required to make these changes work can make forming or even maintaining a social circle very difficult.

Fear of rejection and social anxiety

While the benefits of making new friends and maintaining solid friendships seem clear, those who find it easy to put themselves out there might not fully understand how painful failing to make friends can be.

Sometimes, you can do everything right, and a person might still just not like your vibe. Sure, you have similar interests, support the same local teams and may have even found an opportunity to bond over a shared experience, but maybe your opening line was poorly-received or gave off a bad first impression.

Rejection can hurt, so much so that many adults feel it’s better to just avoid making friends entirely. To make matters worse, between 2011-2022 the rate of adults experiencing poor mental health rose from around 35% to almost 43%, while the pandemic caused a 25% rise in anxiety and depression worldwide.

For people struggling, learning how to make new friends can begin to feel out-of-reach and unimportant.

It’s hard work to maintain friendships

Even in childhood, arguably the easiest time to learn how to get new friends, building and maintaining a social circle takes some effort. It’s a give and take, you might make friends with someone just by having similar interests, but nobody has a best friend that’s never made an effort to support them unprompted.

As with many aspects of life, it only gets harder to make and maintain friends as an adult. In childhood, you at least have a chance to learn from your mistakes at a time when you’re constantly being exposed to new hobbies, people and places. As an adult, building a community becomes much more complicated.

Adult friendships with real people require effort, scheduling and follow-ups, and then with all the added responsibilities of work and family, you’ll find fewer and fewer opportunities to rekindle friendships. It’s exhausting, and that’s before considering the trials of learning how to make friends especially as an introvert! For those who find social situations draining or prefer smaller groups, understanding how to meet people as an introvert can provide strategies that work with, rather than against, your natural personality.

What about finding local groups online?

Given some of the statistics mentioned above, most people will at least understand some of the issues we’ve already covered. However, it’s likely a few people are shouting at their screens about the rise of online communities, social media and the idea that it’s never been easier to learn how to find friends.

Of course, there is some merit to this idea. Many modern people find friends and even build romantic relationships entirely online, particularly younger people, with research suggesting as many as 66% of Gen-Zers have met some of their closest friends online. Whether you’re interested in strategic card games and want to find Magic: The Gathering players online or looking for organized tabletop experiences, online platforms can help you discover local communities. But, online friendships aren’t ideal for everyone. But, online friendships aren’t ideal for everyone.

Almost everyone knows the damage that some classic social media sites can have on peoples’ mental health, with dating apps in particular often linked to poor mental health in some people. So yes, finding new friends online and through local groups can be a great lifeline, just make sure you choose the right platform!

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The science of making friends

For people wondering how to meet new people as an adult, or where to make friends as an adult, it can help to first explore the science of friendship. We’re not talking about equations or chemical reactions, at least not in a lab-coat kind of way, more the subtle rules and wider structures that underpin the art of building and nurturing friendships as a human.

By getting-to-grips with these constants, you can put yourself in a position to build great friend groups on your own terms. Even more importantly, particularly for those wondering how to make friends as an adult with social anxiety, these points illuminate some key reasons why sometimes things don’t work out.

How many friends can a person have?

According to science, the maximum number of relationships a person can cognitively handle is 150. If that sounds like a lot, don’t worry, it is. This 150 number is often mentioned for its headline-grabbing appeal, but in reality, it’s a principle coined by the British anthropologist Robin Dunbar that speaks more to the potential of the human brain than it does the realistic expectations of humans in modern society.

As we discussed previously, less than 40% of American adults have more than 5 close friends, so how many friends can a person really have? To keep things simple, accounting for all responsibilities modern people have outside of their free time, let’s say the figure to look for is really between 3-5 close friends.

For people wondering “how can I make friends as an adult?”, focusing on this figure offers two great benefits. Firstly, it gives us an achievable goal to work towards over time, but perhaps more importantly, it helps to teach that sometimes attempts to make friends fall short due to others being at max capacity.

Why do friendship groups change?

As you explore the ups and downs of how to meet friends as an adult, whether you’re on the younger or older side of things, you’ll likely come face-to-face with an issue that can cause some heartache. Many friendship groups, even those filled with fun and wild conversations, change fairly significantly over time.

Ask most people and they’ll tell you that who they consider to be their best friend has changed over the course of their life. Sure, some people strike up a new friendship as a kid and never look back, but for most of us, moving, growing and changing with age also changes our needs and wants in a good friend.

Even in friendship groups that have stood the test of time, the dynamics between people can shift, with different people becoming closer or more distant as their lives take them in new directions. So, the key thing to remember is that avenues for friendship you thought were long-closed, may not stay so forever.

Does making friends ever get easier?

Yes, for the most part, as long as you continue to put yourself out there. It’s been said before, but making friends and building relationships is like working out. Just as you need to keep building muscle and going to workout classes to stay fit, you need to keep engaging with your local community, visiting events and starting conversations to get better at making friends as an adult.

Over time, talking to total strangers and gravitating towards people that fit your personality will become second nature. It just takes showing up consistently and being genuinely interested in new people and before you know it, proximity itself will put you in a position to make a connection that turns into a meaningful friendship.

Checklist for making friends as an kid, student, or adult

So, we’ve covered the basics and nailed down a solid foundation for finding friends and building lasting relationships. Now, it’s time to discuss some real strategies you can put into action. Whether you’re young and starting out, in the middle of a fresh start, or just wondering how to make friends as an student or adult, below are a few tried-and-tested strategies to help you make real connections.

To make things a little easier, we’ve split our advice into 3 key categories. A little further down, you’ll find specific tips for making friends as an adult woman and as an adult male, but first, let’s dive into some more general advice about how to make friends as an adult, a kid or anyone in between.

1. Adopt an intentional mindset

Everyone who’s learned how to make new friends knows one thing remains constant, waiting for friendships to form naturally usually only leads to disappointment. It really would make things much easier if you could just turn up with a sparkling aura and draw the right people directly to you, but for most of us, a little more work is required.

How can I make friends as an adult? – Well, you can start by adopting an intentional mindset. We’re all looking for that one person to start a conversation and bring people together. Yes, even the people you see with loads of friends. It might feel odd at first, but an intentional mindset helps to remove barriers.

When shifting your mindset, remember these 3 rules:

1. Be open: Friendships can come from unexpected places; always be open to new opportunities.
2. Be proactive: Everyone else is waiting for someone to make the first move; buck the trend.
3. Be patient: Great friendships blossom over time; allow connections to grow at their own pace.

2. Put yourself in the right places

Loads of people ask ‘why is it hard to make friends as an adult?’ without putting much thought into what made things easier when they were younger. The answer? Proximity! Oftentimes, the most impactful thing you can do in your search to meet people and find friends is to put yourself in a position to be around new people, regularly. Just moved to a new city? Find a local book club, game store or sports center and see if any events take your interest; just put yourself out there!

This doesn’t have to be in-person either. While some traditional sites still have their issues, there are plenty of newer platforms that provide real opportunities to build meaningful connections. Whether you’re interested in card or tabletop gaming and want to find TCG or CCG enthusiasts locally, or you’re passionate about role-playing games and trying to find a Dungeons and Dragons group, there are specialized communities for every interest. Take Nerd Culture, for example, a platform built to bring people with common interests together. With smart filtering tools to find people and games, secure messaging and intuitive event management features, it’s never been easier to form lasting adult friendships with people who share similar interests!

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3. Get comfortable with small talk

Most lasting friendships start small and grow into something bigger over time. Think of it this way, how comfortable would you be talking to a complete stranger about your deepest fears right off the bat?

At best, you’d question their intentions, right? No, the best way to spark real friendships is to become a master of casual conversations. Before you start talking to new people, get to grips with these 3 golden rules:

1. Use nonverbal cues: Smiles, open postures and eye contact draw people in.
2. Make small talk a stepping stone: Ask people about things you know they have experience with or are interested in; the weather, local events or a hobby they’ve mentioned.
3. Always be curious: People like to talk about themselves; show an interest in their lives.

4. Make the first move (even if it feels awkward)

Ask the most popular person in your local area – ‘how do you make friends?’ – and nine times out of ten they’ll tell you it’s all about taking initiative. Most people are waiting for someone else to make a move, after all, nobody likes rejection. But under all this face-saving there usually sits a person who’s dying for a casual chat about the world.

Becoming comfortable with making the first move is crucial, as even if it goes nowhere, you’ll at least gain some confidence for the future. What’s more, mastering this skill can help you turn casual hangs into more meaningful friendships as you’ll feel more comfortable asking follow-up questions like:

• “This was great, want to grab a coffee next week?”
• “I’m putting together a game night – would you be interested?”
• “I’d love to keep this conversation going – what’s the best way to stay in touch?”

A quick note on gender and friendship when meeting new people

Friendship experiences can differ based on gender expectations and social conditioning. While there are many gender identities, below we’re going to focus on men and women because they tend to face unique, but broadly recognizable challenges when it comes to forming friendships.

However, many of these insights apply to anyone, regardless of identity. You may not identify with either group, but still find tips that resonate – many struggles are universal, even if the finer details vary.

How to make friends as an adult woman (and keep them)

It’s not uncommon for people to face some unique challenges when learning how to make friends as an adult woman, examples of which include:

• Navigating higher expectations of support and intimacy.
• Tensions caused by competition in work and social settings.
• Trust issues stemming from bad relationships in the past.
• Having fewer opportunities to meet people when raising young children.

While navigating these challenges can be complicated, the below tips should offer some helpful support.

1. Become comfortable in yourself

Before learning how to make adult friends as a woman, you need to learn to be friends with yourself. Society often places expectations on women to be caring and open no matter the circumstances, but in reality, this isn’t always possible. The more comfortable you are in yourself, the more confident you’ll be in avoiding people that put unrealistic expectations on you, helping you attract the right kinds of friends.

2. Prioritize quality over quantity

Meeting gender expectations may put you in a position where people expect you to befriend everyone. No matter your age or circumstance, having fewer, closer friends is always better than building loads of surface-level relationships. As a general rule, prioritize deep connections; don’t spread yourself too thin.

3. Join women-centric communities

While in an ideal world, every space would be inclusive and every person would be treated with respect, unfortunately this isn’t the case. Too often, it’s women and minority groups who see the worst of this.

So, try to join women-centric communities like:

• Women’s book clubs.
• Fitness groups (yoga, pilates, dance etc.).
• Mom’s groups.
• Networking groups for professional women.

4. Take small steps to being more social

Should you join a new community or schedule a hang with some like-minded people, try taking small social steps to begin building friendships, such as:

• Complimenting someone’s outfit.
• Asking someone to share more about their special interests.
• Engaging in small talk about shared experiences.

How to make friends as an adult male (and keep them)

Just as other genders can face unique challenges when it comes to building friendships, people learning how to make friends as an adult male can hit a few roadblocks:

• Big changes like marriage and fatherhood can cause old friends to drift apart.
• Being emotionally-open as a male can be received negatively.
• Fear of rejection can make initiating friendships uncomfortable.

These tips should help you to overcome or at least lessen some of the challenges of making new friends.

1. Embrace discomfort and be direct

Many men are fine experiencing physical discomfort (think workouts, sports and physical jobs) but fail to see how comparable benefits can be drawn from social discomfort.

Meeting people might feel uncomfortable at first, but just like working out, flexing your social muscles will make them stronger in the long run. Try reaching out to people in your community using phrases like:

• “I don’t know why this feels awkward to say, but I’d love to grab a beer after work sometime and talk about [mutual interest]”.
• “Hey, it’s been a while. I’ve been thinking about you and would love to catch up”.

2. Prioritize face-to-face relationships

Men often find it easier to bond through shared activities like gaming or sports, but sometimes struggle to deepen those friendships with words. Try strengthening existing connections by doing things like:

• Checking in with team members outside of practice.
• Mentioning a recent achievement or struggle in passing.
• Creating an online messaging group to keep conversations going.

3. Join men’s groups and communities

While it can seem like groups explicitly for men are a little rare, there are plenty of activities and social events that commonly cater to men’s needs, examples include:

• Running clubs.
• Soccer clubs.
• Gaming groups.
• DIY clubs.
• Gaming communities where you can find gamer friends online in a supportive environment.

You can also learn how to make friends as an adult online by joining online gaming communities through video games and role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons. Finding people passionate about these hobbies is made fun and easy when you use a platform like Nerd Culture!

4. Always be consistent and supportive

To maintain deep friendships, you have to keep showing up. Whether you join an in-person or online community, be consistent and offer support where you can. You could help those running the group to organize a few sessions, or reach out to a member who shared a concern and offer a helping hand. Just keep turning up, listening and helping out where you can.

If you’re organizing gaming sessions or tabletop activities, consider connecting with a Professional Game Master who can help facilitate engaging group experiences that naturally bring people together.

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Final thoughts

Humans are social animals, so you’d think making friends would be easy. To some people, this might be true, but in our fast-paced, ever-changing modern world we’re faced with more and more reasons to shy away from interactions and a far greater number of roadblocks in the way of genuine connections.

That said, we also have a wealth of knowledge to draw from and some great new tools we can use to make reaching out and building lasting communities easier, we hope this guide has helped you find them.

Whether you’re struggling with how to make friends as a young adult, how to make friends as an adult with social anxiety, or just how to make more friends as an adult, the key is intentionality. Every friendship starts with a single brave moment, so take that first step today.